The Coveted Garage
Nothing says 'Merica like a bright red Camaro hauling ass down the road with a booming V8, machine gunning the sound of freedom every time you drop the hammer. This Camaro is a veteran’s wet dream; it is unapologetically American, loud and brash but suprisingly comfortable to live with and yet will still punch you in the jejunum if you step out of line....so technically it is the car equivalent of a GWOT veteran.
After three years and 20k miles of Route 66 style ass kicking my time with her has finally come to an end; this 2013 Camaro 2SS 1LE must go. I have priced her accordingly as you can see thanks to the wizardly ways of the excel spreadsheet. I have included all 2013-2015 1LE that were previously sold on eBay, currently listed buy it now prices, and the prices from every 1LE currently for sale on Cars.com. The no reserve auction starts at $23,500.
The Good:
1LE: If you have made it this far you already know about the 1LE handling package; I will place my hand on a stack of books consisting of a US Navy blue jackets manual, a December 2000 issue of playboy with Carmen Electra, the Hunter S. Thompsons Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and a VHS of Aladdin that this is one of the best handling car for the money that you will ever find. You want her to carve corners, done. Get sideways, done. Do donuts holding a Budweiser tallboy in a (closed) parking lot? "Allegedly" it has already been done. Whatever you want, you can make her do with ease and a steady right foot.
Pre Purchase Inspection: Already done, I have the extended warranty on the car so I took the liberty of doing it for you. I will provide the service details as well as the contact information for my service rep at Classic Chevrolet and for my main man Josh, owner of Aggressive Dream Cars in Houston TX, who has done all of the performance work on the car. The car has zero mechanical issues.
Two stage SLP exhaust: It will make a grown man laugh like he is 10 again and just watched a little person uppercutting a man in the testicles; the loud pops and crackles are enough to make Ronald Reagan fist pump!
Twin Disc Center Force Clutch: Installed in June of 2017 by Aggressive Dream Cars so no need to worry when you are slamming gears and making fan boys cry. Just like that "Dancer" you picked up outside Ft. Benning; she prefers to be driven hard.
Cold air intake: It works and lesbi-honest the intake from Cold Air Inductions just looks great in its own glass box.
Color Combo: The red with the matte black hood and rims just looks the business, so much so that it’s the same color combo Chevrolet painted the 1LE press car that made the cover of Road and Track's December 2012 issue.
Veteran Extras: This is Texas and I am a veteran so obviously there would be a generic holster hanging out underneath the steering wheel that is both Glock 19 and 1911 compatible; yes I go both ways BUT only when it comes to my carry guns. Their is also the "I'd Rather be Waterboarding" license plate frame, which is not included unless you are a veteran. NO, your participation in high school ROTC does not count, just like the two weeks you spent at scout camp dodging that creepy scout master does not count as a combat deployment.
The Bad:
Tires: Square stance 285/30R20’s and it goes through them every 8-10k miles. Just like any true car guy would, I drove the hell out of it right before I left so it is in need of a new set. Hence the low starting price.
Clutch: Having a clutch that you don’t have to worry about does come with a price, it is a bit chattery and if you don’t drive it regularly it will squeak until you get it up to speed.
Rims: There are some scratches on the 20in matte black rims because it spent almost 2 years as my daily driver on Galveston Island; instead of getting them painted every time they took a scratch on a side street or a curb I used a trick found on the internet and hit them with matte black plasti dip. It covers them up quickly, its almost impossible to tell, and yet still comes off easily when you take it to the rim repair shops for a new spray.
I have additional pictures and documentation upon request. So why am I selling her? I am moving to the U.A.E full time to start brokering interesting and exotic cars then shipping them around the world, to do that I need the equity I have in this and my other cars so business sense rules out and I have to give her up. Just like when you got drunk and fell into the casket of your lovely Aunt Delores because she used to sneak you booze when you were a kid so getting drunk at her funeral just seemed like the appropriate thing to do; I can't let this one go without giving her an appropriate send off:
The Obituary to my 1LE:
After a string of fun cars including BMW M3's, Corvette's, and Subaru's I had become sensible at my grandfatherly old age of 32 and turned away from the speed (ing) life for the creature comforts found in a machine that the police would never expect; I was driving a 2006 beige Lincoln LS. Oh dear friends you heard that right and I am not just talking beige; I mean boring as HR mandated company training on Phishing schemes boring, with tan leather and the briefest hint of gold trim to complete the look that preaches “I have less testosterone then Chelsea Manning”. Now, the way I ended up in this embarrassment to the American auto industry bears no mind; what matters is the response it garnered from a fellow Navy vet and car enthusiast one night.
”A Lincoln? A brown Lincoln? Jesus, tell me you’re not driving a brown Lincoln; Jack Fucking Dougherty does not drive a brown Lincoln.” At that moment his sincerity struck me like Thors hammer and he was right; Jack Dougherty doesn’t drive a beige (not brown) Lincoln. Like Gandalf drawing Sauron out of that creepy king in the porno movie with the elves and midgets, I emerged out of my slumber and asked myself what in the holiest of holys was I thinking? The first car Jack ever wanted was a 1970 LS6 Chevelle when he as 10, he “borrowed” his father’s Porsche 911 in the dead of night at the ripe old age of 15 to pop his high speed cherry, Jack Dougherty drives speed boats while shooting machine guns reciting the Declaration of Independence and obviously does so while speaking about himself in the third person.
What doesn’t he do? Jack Dougherty doesn’t drive a beige Lincoln.
But what to get? It had to be fast but not force me to donate plasma every week to afford the maintenance like a used European autobahn bruiser would. I wanted it to be Loud and American without looking like I was having a early midlife crisis. I also wanted something a little comfortable for those hung over days, with power everything, leather, and touch Screens. What I needed in my life was something I had always thought about but never pulled the trigger on; I needed a loaded out pony car.
I made the rounds; found the new 5.0 too slow, the new Challenger scat pack was great but I couldn’t swing a hellcat so nope, luckily fortune smiles on the bold and before leaving the Dodge Dealership I stumbled across this bad boy on the back lot. Sitting under a tree, covered in pollen and forgotten about was this two years old 1LE with 6k miles on it. When the salesmen hesitantly handed me the keys and then leaned in telling me not to kill myself i was intrigued, the minute I fired her up she had me smiling, when I got her a little sideways leaving the dealership she had me laughing, but when I let off the gas and she backfired loud enough to be confused with a 12 gauge, well at that point she had me whipping out my check book faster than the Clinton’s hand out hush money. There was no need to look anymore, this was it.
I love it now as much as I did when it first came into my life but it deserves better then to sit in my garage, not being driven, when I am living 9000 miles away. So if she becomes yours please enjoy her, drive her, share her, and put your kids in it to give them the memories that they will cherish forever....until they get older and curse your name for giving them this very expensive and addicting hobby of ours that is Car collecting.
If you like to laugh then check out my IG @thecovetedgarage; if you are interested in what we do hit up thecovetedgarage.com, you will find pictures of vehicles that we have already shipped in from the land of sand as well as some that we have sitting in our Air Conditioned warehouse. Looking to sell something and want it to grab buyer attention like this advert, well then drop me a line and lets make you some money.
Cheers,
Jack R. Dougherty
jak@thecovetedgarage.com
American, Veteran, and honestly a bit of an Asshole.